Sleepless in Aarhus

Well, it's 3:15 and it's official: I can't sleep! I guess it has it's natural reasons, since I was sleeping all day because of a migraine. Anyway, when I can't sleep, I get really profound and start thinking too much, which makes it even harder to sleep. So in an effort to get rid of these thoughts, I'm sharing them.

A lot of you will know this story (and person) beforehand, but I thought it best to keep his name out of it anyway - just a general rule.

I use to have a really great friend, who I knew from London. For a period of about 6 months, where my life was pretty confusing and difficult, he was the one person, I felt like I could tell everything without being judged or hurting anyone, and I think he felt the same way about me. Then I screwed it up by going out with him - I guess I mistook trusting a guy for the first time in ages for romantic feelings. Fact is, I had to end it, and he insisted on staying friends.

So for a while we were friends, and then what happened? I guess, he got over me. We didn't have that friendship we used to have, and when he moved on, he didn't need to pretend that we did. In August I was in London, and we'd decided to meet up. We haven't seen each other for two years, so I thought it'd be nice plus I'd like to meet his girlfriend, who seems sweet. I bought chocolate for him (apparently Swedish chocolate is the best!), and texted him as soon as I arrived. He didn't really asnwer me till half an hour befoer I had to leave for the airport. It pissed me off, and I haven't actually spoken to him since.

A month after my birthday I got an e-mail from him consisting of two parts: First he said belated happy birthday. I can't really blame him for forgetting my birthday, since I've never remembered his, but it just make me think of back when he would never have forgotten it.

Secondly, he said he was sorry that we didn't meet up when I was in London, that it would have been good to see me again and that he could feel the sarcasm in my texts!! So I wonder: He's sorry he missed me when I was in London, he knows it pissed me of, but still it took him THREE months to apologize? I guess that's when I realized that he just doesn't care anymore. Honesty was the one thing I appreciated the most about our friendship, and I felt like that mail lacked it.

And to be completely honest with all of you - I think I lost the ability or the guts to be honest with him too...otherwise I would probably just have written all of this to him.